Parasites on Parrots

Somewhere, someone decided to take virtually everything offensive, grating, repulsive, asinine, inane, and absurd about human behavior and condense it into one reprehensible sewage pond called politics. In civilized democratic countries the citizenry are given, maybe, four weeks of campaign rhetoric to establish the platforms of the candidates and allow them to make up their minds for whom to vote. In America, however, political (expect)oration is blasted at us from every conceivable media orifice 24 hours a day for 18 months prior to a Presidential erection. It's enough to make you want to tear your ears off and stuff them in your ears.

I think I'm going to start a campaign to elect only the quietest candidates from here on out. When you go to the polls, make sure you vote for the person about whom you've heard the least. Maybe that will eventually drive the reverse behavior. I want to see political advertising be the kiss of death for candidates. Televised or local debates are fine, but no ads. Also, every time you tell me in hysterical, quivering language how bad your opponent is, I'm going to hold that against you. All negative comments count against the party making them, no matter who they're about. Those are my new rules. Call me the condom for political intercourse.

*****

There was another pretty convincing UFO filmed recently, this one in Kentucky, by an amateur astronomer and HAM. Looked like two fluorescent light bulbs side by side floating around in the sky. They both seemed to be pointing down at the same angle throughout the filming, though, so I'm going to call it some sort of kite covered with a shiny material. Or maybe the ghost of someone's newly-deceased garage lights.

I watched a video today that managed to cram just about every conspiracy theory I've ever come across into one narrative. I had to stop watching in the middle, though, because it mentioned Nazis and Hitler and I'm a firm adherent to Godwin's Law. Too bad; it was going well at the time. HAARP, Illuminati, DUMBs, little greys, Novus Ordo, and much more had already been worked in. My tinfoil hat was beginning to give off sparks, even.

I think the ultimate paranormal experience would be alien poltergeists. You know, the malicious ghosts of aliens who were killed when they crashed while buzzing Earth and are pissed about it. Maybe little greys are grey because they're dead. Ooh, how about alien zombies? Grey aliens searching for brains: not to eat, but to probe. Looks like my Halloween costume this year will be undead E.T.

In Malibu a spaceship crashed
A screaming dive into terrain
Now ALF-like zombie aliens stalk
Where Ken and Barbie once did walk
E.T. prowls in search of brains.